Time for us to catch up with what I've been writing to Crystal and what she's been writing to me. Here goes.

This is my reply to the previous note:


Yea, I put in a little subliminal message of my own. I don't think she noticed though. Anyway, on to the reply.

The reply:


Oh lord, if that last note made her feel that way I wonder what'll happen to her once she reads this:



It's currently in the editing process.

Today was the AP US History Exam. Surprisingly, it was kind of easy. The multiple choice was a breeze. Although, I did have to skip a few questions because they were about weird stuff like books, and I didn't really study hard enough to know the authors of all of the books mentioned. The essays were a lot worse. The DBQ was really easy since it was about something almost current, but the other topics I had no idea what to write about. I BSed both of the free response questions which will hopefully get me a 4 or a 5 so that I can get a 4 with getting an 8 on the DBQ and around 50 right on the muiltiple choice part.

After the exam we were excused from 5th period so I hung out with Andy and Tom in the band hall. We talked about random stuff and played Pokemon afterward. It was fun.

There's more Crystal drama, but I'll write about it tomorrow.

So, I took the AP German Language Exam today. It was...interesting... I skipped a fair amount of questions due to stupid things like missing questions in the listening portion because of page turns or not paying attention for certain sections in the listening section because I was taking notes. All in all, I think I did pretty well in the multiple choice section. As for the free response section, I totally BSed the essay. I really hope my amazing grammar made up for the lack of content in the essay. If I did, I'm pretty sure I'll get a 3 or above. In the speaking portion, I blanked out on some questions and gave BS responses. They grade all 6 questions as a whole though, so hopefully they won't take off too much for answers that might be out of context. Also, in the picture sequence section, I only talked about 4 of the pictures instead of the total 6, and I blanked out for like 10 seconds because I stumbled in word order.

Tomorrow is the AP US History Exam. I'm probably going to get either a 4 or a 5 on that because I'm pretty good at the multiple choice and the DBQ essay. As for the other essays, I can hopefully BS my way through them and get a 4/5 (out of a possible 9) on those so that I can get a 4.

Lunch was pretty interesting today. There was Chinese writing on the board from Tom writing silly things after the concert on Tuesday, and people (myself included) kept adding to it. Andy changed one of the sentences on the board. He changed (translated from Chinese) "Austin and Tom kill Michael and Joy" to "Austin really loves Tom. They often make out, and, when they go in bed, it's very noisy." I kept on the board since Andy was just going to write it again anyway, so there was no purpose in erasing it. Later on in band class, I heard that Crystal was freaking out because she thought what was on the board was true. Oh, speaking of Crystal, while I was quietly studying for my AP US History exam, she wanted to lean on my back for some reason (well, we all know the reason. <_<). I let her despite my wanting to be left alone. Next time I'll just say no or something. Which reminds me, I still need to write a response to that note she wrote me a few days ago.

Oh, Andy figured out that Crystal likes me today. At first he laughed about it, but now he's pretty disgusted. He had the same reaction I did. <_<

I take my first AP exam tomorrow. It's German Language, so it'll be quite challenging. The only things that I'm concerned about are the essay and the speaking portion of the exam. I manage to mess those up a lot making conjugation errors and whatnot. I guess if I remember to say things slowly and clearly not only will I stall for time, but I won't make as many mistakes as I would if I talked fast. Good thing German is a pretty slow paced language. <_< I'm hoping to get a 3 on it, but AP standards might be low for this exam, so I might get a higher score if I don't mess up too much. Oh, there are only 6 people (including me) that are taking the exam, so it'll probably go a lot faster than all of the other language APs that have been going on.

I'm going to sleep tonight at 11 instead of 12, so I won't be a German-speaking zombie in the morning. <_<

Crystal wrote a response. It was very interesting and cryptic. You'll see.

AIM logs work wonders for explaining things.



So yea, in short, there's a petition going around trying to make Mindy the VP instead of me. I'm not too worried about it though. That petition is going to do more harm than good. Our director is already kind of peeved at us because someone, pissed that they didn't make drum major, wrote a passionately angry note on Facebook talking smack about the people that did make it and stuff like that. I wish I could've seen it, but he posted it in the band's Facebook group, and the admin (the drum major) deleted it before a lot of people could see it.

There's a band concert tomorrow. Apparently, middle school kids and other band directors are coming to watch how good we play. Hopefully we won't mess up too much.

Surprisingly, I had time to write that note to Crystal. It kinda took a while since I was trying really hard to word things correctly. I think it turned out well in the end.

( Well, here it is. )

Tina suggested that I give it to her so that she can give it to Crystal, so that's what I'm gonna do. I wonder what kind of reaction it'll get.

I asked Tom why he trusted me because I really was wondering. He gave a really good answer.

(14:07:33) I: this might be a weird question, but i've been wondering: why do you trust me?
(14:08:39) Tom: hmmm.....ur personality, ur calm, ur not all blabbing to other ppl about everything, ur contained, ur smart / sophisitcated at least, and my gut feeling tells me so
(14:09:26) I: hmm
(14:09:41) I: sounds good
(14:09:54) I: i dunno, i find it odd when people say they trust me <_<
(14:09:59) T: hmmm....
(14:10:07) T: i do too
(14:10:32) I: haha, i'm not alone
(14:12:59) I: well, it's good that you trust me
(14:13:00) I: :D
(14:13:35) T: that smile...seems fishy...
(14:13:45) T: jk
(14:13:52) I: hah <_<

For some reason, I was expecting an "uh...i dunno."

I took the real SAT today. It was kinda weird. Here's how it went:

I kinda rushed getting ready and everything. I was planning to wake up at 6:30, and i did, but I fell back asleep and woke up at 7:00. I immediately started to freak out because we were going to leave the house at 7:25 so we could get to the University of Houston by 7:45, and I haven't even eaten breakfast or organized everything I was going to take to the testing center. I somehow managed to get ready in 25 minutes, and fortunately we got to the testing center at 7:30 since I practically live in University of Houston (seriously, my house is on the campus map. <_<) When I got there, I was kind of confused. There were a bunch of students in front of the building, but no one was going inside or anything. About 25 minutes later someone came and told everyone to follow her to the testing site. It was about a 5 minute walk to another part of the campus. I don't get why they could've just told us to meet at the testing center, but the place where everyone met was at a more central place on the campus, and the testing center was tucked away in some random spot. Anyway, the test was in a small lecture hall. The seats were pretty comfortable although they squeaked. It was so funny, by the time we got to the 10th and final section there was so much noise. Everyone was itching to get done. So yea, the test was pretty easy. I hope I get a good score. I'm aiming for a 2000.

In other news, I was talking with Tom one day, and to my surprise he said that he trusted me. For some reason, I found that quite odd. Maybe it's because I haven't really known him for that long, and it's just odd to me that you can gain someone's trust after only knowing them for a short time. Maybe that says something about me as a person. I dunno. There could be a lot of hidden meanings in this situation. <_<

[Note: We were talking about popularity and friendships and stuff like that.]
(21:56:10) I: what about now?
(21:58:02) Tom: hmm
(21:59:03) T: 2 best ones, about 8 close ones a handful of good ones and the rest i kinda distanced myself from
(21:59:27) T: theres like maybe 10 or so good ones
(21:59:45) T: your one of them =D
(22:00:37) I: :D
(22:01:26) I: i feel honored
(22:01:44) T: you should, ur one of the few i trust too
(22:02:04) I: really?
(22:02:07) T: yea
(22:02:16) I: awesome

I was talking with Andy today about Crystal, and he gave me a brilliant idea. He was saying how Crystal should open up to new ideas, and I was thinking that I should write a note to her talking about that, and in that note I should reference that she shouldn't suppress attractions (in it I'll be referencing to myself secretly, but mainly I'll be talking about how she finds homosexual situations attractive) because that suppression can lead to depression and unhappiness. I'm hoping it'll steer her in the right direction because what she's doing right now isn't exactly the way I'd approach it. Hopefully I'll have time to do it before Monday.

Eeeeee! I'm so happy right now!

Ok, so the band banquet was loads of fun. They announced all of the new officers, and it was announced that I am now one of the flute section leaders and... VICE PRESIDENT!!! Whee! :D

After the formal part of the banquet was over a lot of people were congratulating me and the new president, my co-section leader. I have never given/received so many hugs in my life. I gave one to Lain for making co-saxophone section leader. It was awesome. I also gave a really big hug to Ash. Apparently, I won by one vote, and his vote was my winning vote.

Anyway, Tina made assistant drum major, Crystal is head secretary, Andy is co-historian, Ramen is head equipment manager. Things are good.

I caught Crystal staring at me for a long time at one time. She keeps apologizing for ignoring me too. What she really needs to apologize for is those offensive comments she made to me about homosexuality. Hmph!

Also, Tom isn't really in a good mood. He didn't section leader like he wanted, and the funny thing is is that this person that's less qualified than he is made section leader instead of him. I'm sure a lot of people are wtfing about that. I know I am.

So, officer tryouts were yesterday. It was a long and tedious process. First was the teaching part of the audition where each person had to teach the block band for 2 minutes. Caught completely off guard, I was the first one chosen to teach the block band.  I had no idea what I was going to do, so I thought up a lesson in like 5 seconds and just went with it. I did pretty well; the only thing I messed up on was that I fluctuated the tempo in my clapping while I was telling people to keep their posture straight and to roll their feet. About 3 hours and about 30 people teaching the block band, everyone met in the band hall to continue with the interview and playing portion of the audition. One at a time, all of the section leaders went in the instrument storage room to get their brains picked by the drum majors and directors. Since I was the first of the section leader candidates to go in the teaching portion, I was the last to go in the interview process. It was kinda nice going last since I got to hang out a lot in the band hall and talk to people. I got to mess with Lain's and Crystal's saxophones. It was fun. I couldn't play them though since we weren't allowed to make musical noises. I also talked to Lain about politics (well, tried). Tina, myself, Crystal, and Lain, and I think another person were talking about how expensive gas prices are ($3.50 average in Houston), and Crystal was giving false data and stuff. Then it transitioned to asking Lain if he was a Democrat or a Republican. He doesn't seem to be that interested in politics, but his mom is voting for Hilary, so I guess that means he's a Democrat by association. Hooray! Anyway, at around 8:10 I went in for my interview. It was kinda awkward in the band hall. I was the only section leader candidate left in there. The rest were the people trying out for drum major, and they were in a circle conducting around me. So yea, I went in for my interview. It was pretty easy. I went in, played my musical piece, they asked me to march a little, and then i sat down for my interview. My interview was extremely short. It consisted of one question: "Why do you want to be section leader?" So, I answered it and they said I could go.

So yea, I probably made section leader again this year since I did pretty well as a section leader this year. What I'm more concerned about is if I won the vice president spot or not. We find out who made what tomorrow night at the band banquet, so we'll see then.

In other news, yesterday after 4th period someone set fire to a trash can in the boys restroom. While I was walking to band class I noticed that there was smoke in the second floor and it smelled like someone was roasting marshmallows. I passed by the scene of the crime and there was an AP and 2 policemen outside the restroom. I'm guessing the fire wasn't that bad, but something troubles me. Why didn't the fire alarm go off?

Band officer tryouts were today. The process was really tedious, and I'm extremely tired from it. I'm not even done with my homework.
All in all, I did pretty well. I'll write more about this tomorrow since I still have to finish homework right now. <_<

I got to sleep in (well, not really) today. It was pretty relaxing. I got up at around 7:15, which is way later than when I normally wake up (5:40) and ate breakfast and all of that good stuff. Afterward, I just chilled in my room and did homework and other random things until it was time to leave for school. For all of the other standardized testing days I have to come at the regular time though. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

The school yearbooks came out today. They are amazing! The theme is pretty cool too. It's "Our Own Beat", and it revolves around music and stuff like that. A CD even came with it featuring the marching band, orchestra, choir, and student-formed bands. It's pretty awesome. I'm in the yearbook quite a lot too. Club photos and random people taking pictures of me had something to do with that. I'm kind of glad I'm in the yearbook a lot this year. It shows my commitment to the school and how involved I am in its activities and such.

Band officer elections and auditions are tomorrow. I have to give a speech in front of the band persuading them to vote for me. I kinda don't feel like doing it since the speeches don't really matter. Everyone pretty much knows who they're voting for by election day. I'm not too worried about losing anyway. I got a lot of people to vote for me, so I'm probably in good hands.

Apparently, something interesting pertaining to my Crystal situation happened during the band officer workshops. I'll let AIM logs explain. <_<





I bet y'all are wondering what happened. Well, at the beginning of the workshop, the drum majors asked the people trying out for drum major to stay in the band hall, and for the people only trying out for section leader to go outside with the other drum majors. We went to the blacktop where the dots are, and we started practicing teaching the block band. When Crystal was going, she made the bad mistake of stopping clapping while calling commands, so after she was done I told that to her. I guess, for some reason, that offended her or something which made her cry. Although, I didn't see it, so I didn't know about it until Tina told me about it when I got home.

Even though a lot hasn't happened, I'm getting tired of it. All of this is so immature. I didn't do anything wrong! Crystal is just putting unnecessary stress on herself making herself a hot mess in the middle of band officer tryouts, AP exams, and final exams. It's not worth it. It's not worth it at all. You know, I just want to figure out exactly what's wrong and just talk to her about it. But, that leads to me actually knowing that she likes me which will make everything more awkward. So, I'm just gonna wade it out and just let time work its magic.

I don't have to come to school until 11:45 tomorrow because of standardized testing. I'm excited. :D

I'm trying to change my layout on here a bit, but I've hit a bit of a wall. I don't know how to make the background where all of the entries are and all of that transparent. Hopefully it isn't took complicated so that I don't have to learn CSS or something.

In other news today was pretty mediocre. It was the last day of the SAT Prep classes. It wasn't really all that spectacular. Now things are gonna start getting really stressful for me. I have the SAT next weekend, then AP exams start that week, then there are finals afterward. I hope I get exempted from a lot of my finals, so I don't have to worry about that. Although, despite the APs and SAT, I'm not too worried about the tests and such. In a sense, all I have to do is study really hard for German and Physics (since I suck at those), and I'll get at least a 3 on all of my exams.

So yea, AP studying started today and continues until exams are over. School work is unfortunately being neglected. <_<

I don't think I've gotten to post my thoughts on this whole Crystal situation. So I'll be doing that now. <_<

I don't understand a lot of things that are going on. First, if Crystal does like me, then why would she go on saying things about homosexuality and how it's a one-way, non-stop ticket to Hell? I'm sure, hell, I know she knows that those kinds of things offend me a lot, so saying those types of things to me wouldn't really help if you want someone to have a good opinion of you. Lindsay was telling me when this was happening that the probably wants to change me so that I would be in love with her. But, there is one thing about that that don't make sense. I am bisexual, which means that I like girls also, so am I not already made so that I can like Crystal too? Something tells me that Crystal, in her closed, conservative, Christian mind thinks that bisexuality doesn't exist.

Another thing I don't understand is this whole fasting thing she's doing. Someone asked her during lunch why she was doing it, and she replied "To get over my gay fetish, my tight jean fetish [To me, that isn't really something one needs to get over, but, whatever.], and something secret [the fact that she likes me.]" That is the only thing I understand. She's doing this to become unhypocrtical. I got that. What I don't get is how this is going to all happen. How does not having electronics, eating pita bread, reading the Bible, and praying help you find a solution to your problems? To me, all you have to do is think through it. Essentially, Crystal is going through doublethink, so all she has to do is change the conflicting opinion/act, and everything is gravy again. Although I'm making it sound easier than it is, that's basically what it is. Also, I guess since I'm not a religious person, I don't get how praying gets you the answer. It's like the answer just falls from the sky or something. <_< Oh, and I think I mentioned this. Crystal requested that I stay away from her during this whole process. I haven't been doing that since if she wants to stay away from me she will. But, get this, it seemed like she was getting closer to me. I didn't get it at all.

So yea, I had to let all of that out. I probably sounded really ignorant in that, but it doesn't really matter to me right now. <_<
Also, despite my passionate anger at Crystal. I realy hope she finds an answer that satisfies her.

As for me, I want her to become more tolerant.

This weekend's gonna be my first weekend home since the spring trip. I don't really have anything planned, so I guess all I'm going to do is sit at home and do homework and go to SAT prep classes (which I really don't want to go to).

Band officer elections are starting up. I'm running for VP and section leader. The way things are going now I think I can get both positions, but you never know.

Note: This entry might have a lot of excerpts from notes, AIM chats, etc.

I am extremely confused right now. Ok, so let me start from the beginning.

After lunch I was walking with Tina, and she tells me that someone likes me, but that she's sworn to secrecy, so she can't tell anyone. But, I can have hints, so I start asking random questions. I pretty much narrowed it down to a woodwind player in the band. Although, I had no idea who it would be, so I didn't really dwell on it too much. I had in the back of my head the idea that Crystal might like me, but I'm usually wrong on those. Later on, when I get home, I get an IM from Tina:

(18:03:18) Tina: Did u get my text?
(18:03:35) I: my phone ran out of batteries
(18:03:51) I: lemme turn it on

So, I do that, and I see this message:

"Mkay. I'll tell u who likes u. It's [crystal]. I wasn't gonna tell u, but i didn't want u 2 ask her if she knew anything about it. Just act like you don't know."

At this point, everything is starting to make sense to me now. It makes perfect sense why she's fasting starting tomorrow. It's because she's "hit a wall" of sorts. He believes homosexuality is wrong, but she falls in love with a bisexual person. So, she's probably all like "omgwtfdoido." Filled with shock about this, I talk to my friend Lindsay about this:



A few minutes later, Lindsay sends her via AIM a long paragraph explaining exactly how she feels and stuff like that to Crystal. It reads:

"i saw the conversation you had with him a while ago about evolution and homosexuality. i know that southern baptists take a literal approach to interpretting the bible unlike episcopalians, catholics, lutherans, and pretty much every other demonational christian who interpret it in a non-literal approach. i'd like to respectfully say, in a school where i learn religion for an hour a day and we spend that hour interpretting the bible, nowhere in the Holy book does it say blatantly that "homosexuality is an automatic ticket to hell" or that "god has no part in evolution". i go to an all girls catholic school where discussion about such things are open. the church teaches that homosexuality is only a mortal sin if the person ACTS on it. i understand southern baptists see it as a 'choice' but sometimes the person doesnt choose it necessarily. secondly, we learn evolution and the theory, but also the fact that god CREATED the process. we believe in the big bang, but that god caused that big bang. i agree with you on the fact that there is no way such a creation could happen without a god, but also god created some type of thing to create this world. and also, in closing, if you were a true christian, you'd know that putting blame and guilt on someone and telling them that they're going to hell is against our beliefs. its' neither our place nor our knowledge to tell someone where they're going. only god knows. for you to tell austin if he were to die he'd go to hell, is a completely un-christian thing to say. in my opinion. i understand you want to "save him" but remember u cant save anyone that doesnt want to be saved. if he lives his life well like a good person, which you and i BOTH KNOW he is, he will be fine under god's judgement. just a point from one religious person to another...:-)"

Those words Lindsay said to Crystal were gold. Pure. Gold. What she said was so wonderful that I almost started crying. Anyway, Crystal had a response:

"It may be so, but there's a lot more to this than you or Austin would realize. There are more motives behind this than what are shown on the surface. I can't tell you exactly what they are, mainly because they are secrets meant to be /kept/ secrets.
I understand as much as what you've said."

While all of this is happening, Crystal is talking to me:


I think that's it....
Oh, I need to explain Crystal's whole fasting thing. I'll just take an exceprt from a note she wrote about it.



So yea...Austin had an interesting day.
Commentary would be entertaining. <_<

The author of the book Kaffir Boy, Mark Mathabane, came to our school today to speak to us about his life and stuff like that. His speech was very inspirational. It made me feel lucky that I'm able to enjoy the freedoms that I get to in America without being frowned upon for how I am on the inside and outside. He also emphasized that we should love humanity and all that it's worth. That we're the generation that can change the world for the better and that we need to start now to end prejudices and bigotry. What perfect timing for Crystal to hear that speech (fortunately, she went as well).

Band officer sign-ups were today. I signed up for vice president and flute section leader. I feel confident that I'll get the section leader position, but I'm not sure about the vice president position. A lot of people are trying out for it, so the votes for it will be split up a lot. As long as a few people drop out (lol) and I get a good majority of the woodwinds then I'll be able to win. Hopefully the speech I'm required to write (which I'm not nappy about) will help win me some votes. I highly doubt it though.

Crystal has been pissing me off.
I'll just let these AIM logs explain everything.



So yea. That conversation didn't really make me happy. Although, this happened Sunday night, and I'm pretty much past all of this. But, Crystal thinks I'm mad at her, so she's avoiding me kind of. It's really weird. Oh, what's also weird is that she's doing this fasting thing so that she can find a spiritual connection with god and find answers to her "problems". If you ask me, her problem is not being tolerant to other people's lifestyles, not me or any other people "choosing" what sex we want to be attracted to. Anyway, tomorrow I'm gonna give her some magazine/newspaper articles dealing with homosexuality and stuff like that. They're pretty good so maybe she'll learn a thing or two while reading them. Also, what's really stupid is that she practically creams her panties when she sees homosexual stuff (i.e yaoi/shounen-ai).

Oh, you know, this reminds me of something Dr. Seuss once said. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." I think this applies greatly in this situation.

If you have any questions about this just ask. :D

Saturday - Sleeping with Alex was very interesting. He moved a lot in his sleep so by the morning when I woke up, he was pretty much on top of me. I woke up to find my face buried in his back pretty much. I never said anything about that to him when he woke up though. But, when he made a joke about me humping him in bed, I told him about how close he got to me. He was kinda surprised XD. Anyway, today was the day we performed for the competition. We performed in a convention center hall which was a little weird since the acoustics were very different from those in an auditorium. All in all we did quite well. We received a superior (division 1) rating and received Runner-Up In Class for the 5A division. After our performance we headed back to the hotel to change for Schlitterbahn. Schlitterbahn was so cool! The park was basically built around this lazy river where you just floated around until you saw a ride you wanted to get on then you would float into the line. That had its downside though. Since you were in the water on and off, it would be really cold once you got out. The high winds that day didn't help either. Despite that, riding the 2 slides I did and hanging out with my friends was well worth it. The park closed at 5, so around then we headed back to the hotel again to change for the award ceremony/dinner/dance. It was at Schlitterbahn still so it wasn't really anything special. The food was ok. I didn't eat a lot of it since I wasn't hungry. I didn't really do much dancing either since I don't really know how. I danced to a couple of songs which was fun. I had a great time there. Some interesting things happened there too. There were some people from our school grinding with other people and all that fun stutff, and, apparently, this guy got a number from this girl that was in a band (or maybe a choir) from Oklahoma and they were talking and such. In fact, the girl and her friend came to our hotel afterwards to try to hangout with him, but he wouldn't, so they left quite angry at him. It was hilarious. Alex got a number from one of them as well, but I don't think he called any of them. Anyway, after the dance party thingy everyone went to the pool/hottub to celebrate our last night in South Padre. The water was really hot. Everyone was practically cooking in there (it smelled like we were anyway). The pool closed at 11, so after that everyone started hanging out in other people's rooms and stuff like that. I floated in between watching people play Rock Band in one room, Tom's room, and Tina's room. Oh, funny thing. I was in Tina's room talking with Crystal and Andy and some other people when all of the sudden the power went out. It was pretty freaky. Everyone had to leave their rooms and gather near these security lights in the middle of the hallway. Some people were in the shower at the time. The power came back on a few minutes afterwards, so everyone resumed what they were doing earlier. Everyone finally settled into their respective rooms at around 12:45. Our room went to sleep at like 2-ish.

Sunday - Our room woke kinda late. <_< No one set an alarm so we just slept in. We had to report with everything packed and stuff at 9:00 and we woke up at 8:15. A lot of other people woke up late too though, so it wasn't as bad. The director wasn't even really strict about the time anyway. We just left whenever everyone was ready. The bus ride back was kinda boring. I was extremely tired. I slept from the beginning until we got stopped by border patrol. Then I listen to my iPod for a bit and fell asleep some more. We stopped for lunch. Oh! I had my first visit to a Dairy Queen. I was so excited. I've always wanted to go to a Dairy Queen and get their Blizzards, but there aren't really any in Houston. I finally got one though. It was so cool. When I got it the cashier turned it upside down, and it stayed in the cup! I was so amazed. <_< Anyway, after that I watched Rush Hour 3 on the bus and slept some more until we finally got into Houston at around 4:30.

So yea, there's basically what happened on the trip. It was very fun. Oh, I got to meet Lain's mom. She's a pretty cool person. She reminds me a little bit of my mom.

Sign-ups for band officer positions are tomorrow. I'm a little anxious to see who my competition is. I doubt I have much.