Ok, so today was the day Brandon was supposed to ask me out. It was actually quite funny. I was in the band hall for lunch waiting by the microwaves for my friend's food to finish cooking. Brandon comes from pretty much no where and says something like "Can we talk for a second?" I knew exactly what was going to happen, but I acted like I didn't know to entertain Crystal and Andy who were watching. So, he leads me into the instrument storage room and he basically tells me everything. He said all of the stuff I said in the previous entry and more. He added that they were buying him lunch to do this. I think I laughed when he told me that. So yea, we actually played a prank on them and they totally believed us. When he was done "asking me out" I walked out with this "wtf" face and Crystal and Andy were cracking up.

Also, Lain got his schedule changed into the 6th period band class. I get to see him everyday now! Hopefully, I'll get to run into him in the hallway after 5th period now so we can walk and talk in the hallway now. That would be fun. Although, tomorrow I have a Physics test (Physics is my 5th period) and I usually don't finish before the bell so I might miss him in the hallway tomorrow. Oh well, no big deal. Oh, speaking of Lain, today after band class I saw Crystal and Lain hugging (there's a backstory to this I'll explain later) and I got kinda jealous. Lain is like my size plus 2 inches and 10 pounds so I'm guessing a hug from him would feel really good. So, I told Crystal because she messaged me on Facebook about something and I wanted to continue conversation so I hinted that I was jealous. Now she's going to try to get him to hug me tomorrow. We'll see what happens.

Haha, my life is a Texas soap opera. My story would make a wonderful book or short-lived TV show, huh?

GG, good game Lain. Good game. I had fun.

So, I did it. Even though he isn't my boyfriend now I still feel somewhat good about it. I conquered one of my biggest fears. It feels oddly good. So, here's how it all went down. After the band final (party) was finished I asked Lain to come with me in this storage room in the band hall and I just spilled it.

I: Um....I don't know how to put this and I'm kinda in a rush so I'll just say it - I like you.
Lain: What?
I: I like you.
L: You're gay?
I: No, bi.
L: That's weird.
I: Yea...
L: Well...I'm straight.
I: Yea... so, are you ok with it?
L: Yea.

Afterwards, we just kinda left the room. People had seen that we were in a room with the door closed so that kinda raised suspicion in them. As we left, people were asking what had happened. I said "nothing". I'm not sure what Lain said. Later when I got home a friend had told me that the people that were around that room thought that I was disciplining him (Note: I have a position of leadership in band. Flute section leader to be exact) for something that he did which I don't know of. As long as the story stays that way I'm fine with it. When I got home my thoughts began to get scattered and scattered as the hours went by. I couldn't study for my Chinese final. I felt like I needed to apologize. So I did. I sent him a message over Facebook which said.

"I know you probably don't want to hear anything else from me, but I think more should be said.

I'm /really/ sorry for freaking you out/shocking you with the whole "I like you." thing. I'm sure it was something you didn't want to happen to you in high school, especially in your freshman year. At least you'll have something interesting to tell your children later in life (if you have any). So...um...yea.... I'm glad you're ok with it although if you don't want me to be near you or talk to you or anything like that I completely understand.

Once again. I apologize.

Any questions, comments, concerns would be greatly appreciated. Also, disregard the AIM question (unless by some force of a deity you still want to talk to me).

Also, it would be nice if this didn't get out to anyone."

It feels like this is only the beginning. We'll just have to wait and see. There's school tomorrow and then school again on the 7th. Although, next semester I won't have a class with him since (1) he didn't make the top band like I did, therefore he will be in a different class (2) I'm a junior and he's a freshman. We'll have to and see.

 Yep. I'm going to do it alright. I'm going to tell Lain that I like him tomorrow. I don't even know why I'm doing it either. I guess it's because I'm tired of waiting around. I'm tired of not being the one to take the initiative. I'm tired of complaining without having done anything. Earlier today when I got home at around 1:30, I was pretty much freaking out about it. I was so nervous and scared. I had the same feeling I had whenever I get in line for rollercoasters.  Right now, I don't have that feeling. It's kinda worrying me. I guess all of this over confidence of Lain being accepting of the fact that a guy likes him is getting to me. I'm not even expecting much from this anyway. What I think will happen is that I'll tell him and then he'll be like "No, sorry" but he'll still not be as weirded out. That scenario is fine with me. As long as we still talk and stuff just a little less since I can understand that he'll be afraid of me coming on to him. What I really don't want to happen is that he just absolutely hates me for liking him and such and then proceeds to go and tell others of this and I become the talk of the band for being bisexual. What would be a miracle is Lain saying yes and we become a happy couple. :D

I'm pretty much in the dark about what might happen so we'll just have to wait and see. I hope I don't chicken out.

Finals update: I took the US History and English ones today. They were pretty easy. I might've messed up on the English final a little but it won't cost me that many points. Who knows.

and when we kissed
it didnt feel poisonous
and when you cried
i dried off your blue eyes

- Margot and the Nuclear So and So's (A Sea Chanty of Sorts)

Those lyrics really moved me the first time I saw them. It made me picture Lain and I since Lain has blue eyes and it sounds like a possible scenario in which we would be in. It's very romantic also. All of these rosy images aren't really helping me since I'm not even sure if Lain likes me. I don't think I've mentioned this, but I'm asking him out (my friend likes to say "confess", but I don't like that word for some reason so I'm going to use "ask out") on Thursday (by the latest). I'm pretty much going to do it at anytime next week. I'm scared out of my mind too. I don't know how he'll handle me liking him and if he'll tell other people or not. I don't think he has any friends in band that he'll tell secret things to (with the exception of me, ironically, I think). Even if he does tell someone and it gets out to the band I don't think it would matter since my friend tells me that I'm well liked so, therefore, people would accept my sexuality. We'll have to wait and see though.

Something interesting to note. Lain is a little taller than I so it would be kinda awkward to dry off his blue eyes. <_<