AIM logs work wonders for explaining things.



So yea, in short, there's a petition going around trying to make Mindy the VP instead of me. I'm not too worried about it though. That petition is going to do more harm than good. Our director is already kind of peeved at us because someone, pissed that they didn't make drum major, wrote a passionately angry note on Facebook talking smack about the people that did make it and stuff like that. I wish I could've seen it, but he posted it in the band's Facebook group, and the admin (the drum major) deleted it before a lot of people could see it.

There's a band concert tomorrow. Apparently, middle school kids and other band directors are coming to watch how good we play. Hopefully we won't mess up too much.

My life just got a lot more interesting right now. So, this girl in the color guard likes me, and just a few hours ago she "secretly" told me that she likes me over honesty box on facebook. By "secretly" I mean that she said she was a friend of the person that likes me, but in reality she was the person that likes me.


So yea, we'll see how this plays out in the next couple of days. I hope I don't hurt her or anything like that because I don't like her back. If there aren't any personal confrontations then I won't have any problems with that.

Ok, so remember in my last entry how I said there's a back story to the relationship between Lain and Crystal? Well, yea, I'm going to explain all of this now.

So, a year ago, Crystal liked this guy named Matt. But, she didn't tell me until about a month ago. I dunno why though. I guess for some reason she didn't want me to know. Wait...I think it was Tina that told me. Anyway, that's irrelevant. Wow, I'm not doing a goo job explaining this. There are AIM logs though so I don't have to worry.


Basically, I'm thinking that since Lain looks like Matt (or she thinks they look alike) so she's making an unconscious connection from Matt to Lain. So her past love (or fondness now) of Matt is transferring to Lain simply because they look similar. It doesn't matter to me at all though. In fact, this is kinda working to my advantage since, because Crystal is a really close friend of mine, she can get Lain to hang out with is sometimes. It will be awesome.

I have All-City Band Auditions tomorrow. It's no big deal. It'll be fun seeing my friends from other schools. Also, it'll bring some organization into the band since this is our chair test of sorts. Also, something to point out I guess. I don't think Lain is going to All-City. I saw his tenor sax in his locker after school after I was done helping out setting up the rooms. I never expected him to go away. Unless he has a sax at home he can practice on... *shrugs*. There's also a planned movie event after the auditions. According to Facebook, he might be going so we'll have to wait and see. It doesn't really matter to me as much if I see him now since I know now that everything is fine and dandy between us.

Ok, so today was the day Brandon was supposed to ask me out. It was actually quite funny. I was in the band hall for lunch waiting by the microwaves for my friend's food to finish cooking. Brandon comes from pretty much no where and says something like "Can we talk for a second?" I knew exactly what was going to happen, but I acted like I didn't know to entertain Crystal and Andy who were watching. So, he leads me into the instrument storage room and he basically tells me everything. He said all of the stuff I said in the previous entry and more. He added that they were buying him lunch to do this. I think I laughed when he told me that. So yea, we actually played a prank on them and they totally believed us. When he was done "asking me out" I walked out with this "wtf" face and Crystal and Andy were cracking up.

Also, Lain got his schedule changed into the 6th period band class. I get to see him everyday now! Hopefully, I'll get to run into him in the hallway after 5th period now so we can walk and talk in the hallway now. That would be fun. Although, tomorrow I have a Physics test (Physics is my 5th period) and I usually don't finish before the bell so I might miss him in the hallway tomorrow. Oh well, no big deal. Oh, speaking of Lain, today after band class I saw Crystal and Lain hugging (there's a backstory to this I'll explain later) and I got kinda jealous. Lain is like my size plus 2 inches and 10 pounds so I'm guessing a hug from him would feel really good. So, I told Crystal because she messaged me on Facebook about something and I wanted to continue conversation so I hinted that I was jealous. Now she's going to try to get him to hug me tomorrow. We'll see what happens.

Haha, my life is a Texas soap opera. My story would make a wonderful book or short-lived TV show, huh?

I'm beginning to wonder if Lain even reads the messages I write to him. Today he got on Facebook and he didn't even reply to the message I sent him on Wednesday. It makes me wonder if he actually reads them. In the past when I sent him random messages about stuff he would reply when he got on, but now, it's different.

Is he not replying because he doesn't want to talk to me?
Is he not replying because he doesn't know what to say?
I have absolutely no idea.

I used to think that this was all good since he hasn't told any of his friends and he said "hey" to me in the hallway all of the times I've seen him, but now I'm beginning to re-think. Maybe this is a sign of something greater. Maybe this is a sign of his true feelings about my love for him. Ugh, this is confusing and agitating me so much. To me, it's kinda rude not to reply to messages and especially in this situation when I've sent something extremely important, it just kinda ticks me off when something doesn't get replied to. I'll have to see how the next week plays out. If I see him at all.

For reference:


Any thoughts?

I'm so exhausted from All-Region Band and everything. That whole clinic and concert required so much preparation in so little time that it just sucked the life out of me. Either way, it was fun. I met a couple of new people which was cool. Although, I couldn't help but feel a little alone there. There were barely any people from schools in Houston besides the other 4 people that made the band. Pretty much 80% of the bands had students from Katy schools. I really hope that next year more people try out for this and make it so that my school can get some better representation in this. Oh well, the All-City competition which only Houston-area schools can compete in are on the 19th. My school usually does excellent in this so that kinda makes up for it.

Not much to write about since I'm so dead tired. Also, nothing happened. Lain didn't get on Facebook today like I thought. Maybe he'll get on tomorrow. I hope he will. He needs to read that message. <_<

I couldn't wait.

I don't regret anything. We'll have to wait and see what happens.

I really think I'm in the clear as far as Lain not telling anyone about me and him. I haven't heard things about people saying shit about me (except from Andy but I don't believe him at all). Which is really good. I'm really happy that I'm sort of getting away with it without any repercussions. I never expected that. I wasn't really prepared to deal with people if they asked or if I heard any rumors about me. I talked with a friend about it yesterday and she said that if people ask then just go ahead and tell the truth and act like it's not big deal. Apparently, that stops the gossip. It kinda made sense, but I wasn't really ready to do that since I had a little problem with telling people that I didn't really care about about my bisexuality and not my parents. I still don't know how I'm going to do that. I know that they'll be fine with it, but I just don't like talking with my parents about issues like that. I shouldn't rush myself though if I'm not ready. The latest I'll do it will probably be when I move out for college in a year or so.

I'm also thinking of sending Lain a thank you Facebook message for not telling people. There are also ulterior motives for doing this like getting to talk to him even if it's over the Internet. He didn't respond to the last message I sent him so I dunno. I'll probably end up sending this little thank you message anyway. I can't think of any reason why it would be bad to send it so it shouldn't matter. I'll probably send it to him on either Thursday or Friday. The only reason why I don't want to send it on Friday is because I won't be home until like 10 and I'll be dead tired from school and All-Region Band clinics so that won't be the best time to type something of this much importance. I'll probably take forever too since I'll go off on so many tangents and write a lot. Also, I want to see what happens the next few days. I've been trying to bump into him in the hallway to see reactions. I almost did it today but he was kinda far away. I'll either have to get his schedule or get really lucky somewhere. Man, I sound so stupid. I dunno, to me, it just feels like things aren't complete and more talking needs to be done. That feeling could stem from the fact that I do want to talk to him. Oh well. We'll see what he says when I message him on Thursday or Friday (if he says anything back).

Remember that little movie quarrel with Andy I had yesterday? Well, it escalated. I'll share all of the Facebook messages and such.

So, first. I get this IM from him saying this:
[20:09] Andy: u know, sometime, it just hurts horribly when ur friends tell u that they don't need u on a outing because they would rather be with people that u don't wanna be with



Then, the next day (today) I get an IM from him saying:
[13:03] Andy: woooooow, i was really pissed yesterday
[13:03] A: lmfao
[13:03] I: you were <_<
[13:03] A: as i read the messages
[13:03] A: i thought i was dreaming
[13:04] A: LOL
[13:04] A: i was semi delusional
[13:04] A: due to too much sleep
[13:04] I: and your low blood pressure
[13:04] A: and my super low heart rate
[13:04] I: low heart rate = mircocausum (lol mr.s word) of low blood pressure
[13:04] A: it's so stupid
[13:05] A: now i'm not allowed to drink starbucks
[13:05] A: anyways
[13:05] A: meyerland shopping trip w/ mother now

Ok, so today was the last day of the fall semester. It didn't really sink in to me. I've been so caught up in Lain and everything that it just wasn't of importance to me. I'm kinda sad that school is over until the 7th since I like seeing my friends at school. I'll be really bored sitting at home doing nothing. I'll have to take up a hobby or something.

So, this morning I saw Lain today. It was weird. So, this is how it all "went down". When the bell rang to go to class I went to my English class to get my final exam grade (I got an 86). I got that done so I went to walk toward my Chinese class. I was walking down the hallway toward the stairs when I see Lain come into the school from one of the doors near the stairs. He sees me and says "Hey". I almost freaked. I might be over exaggerating on this, but when I saw him, I had this nervous feeling and when he actually said something to me I was like "O_O" in my head. I don't even know if we were that close. Everything looked warped almost (maybe that was because my contacts were messed up because I was sleeping for an hour before I got to school). I said "Hi" back, of course. Who knows if he heard it.

An update on the Facebook message. I forgot to note that Lain barely gets on Facebook. He averages one log-on per 2 days. I sent it pretty late yesterday. It doesn't seem like he'll get on today so I'll have to wait for a response tomorrow. Hopefully, that message I sent him will help speed up the process, so to speak, of the awkward-ness going away. It'll take some time for it to wane though. That's probably why I told him before a long break- so that he'll have time to think about it alone. Although, that does have a disadvantage since I want to see his reaction right away and not have to wait ~2 weeks for it. I'm impatient. <_< So, hopefully, Lain will respond tomorrow and I'll be able to deal with that without the stress of final exams. Oh, by the way, I got either a 91 or a 92 on my Chinese final. Whoo!

http://thoughtsinwine.cbox.ws/
I set that up a few days ago. If any of y'all want to talk to me there, then you can. I find it easier to reply to things on there than to reply using a comment. So, bookmark it or whatever if you're interested.

So, pretty much all of the people that know I'm bisexual and like Lain (3) support me except for one. Crystal (fake name). She seems to have some sort of obsession with him. I have no clue why. Since she found out that I like him she seems to be a little...odd... I don't know. Here's what happened when I told her.

Crystal: [mouthing and gesturing] Do you like Lain?
I: [nod]
C: [out loud] WHAT?! WHY?!

Self-explanatory.

Also, a day or two later, she messaged me on Facebook asking me why I liked him. She didn't do that when I said I liked Tren. That raised some suspicion in me.

Anyway, if Lain and I do go out, then I'll have a good time ROFLMAOGGLAWL-ing at Crystal. Other people also (if they discriminate and hate)